John 20:1-18
I never thought the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus would teach me anything about the resurrection. This book by John Gray has sold more than 7 million copies. Its central metaphor proposes that most relationship problems between men and women are a result of fundamental differences between the genders. Each gender is accustomed to its own social order and habits, but not those of the other. One example is the assertion that men complain because they want solutions while women complain because they want to be acknowledged.
All you have to do is read John 20:1-18 to have this view confirmed.
I’m using Wikipedia’s synopsis of the book to make these comparisons. There are some interesting points that can be made. It’s maybe something to think about on Easter morning.
The Men from Mars
Two men race to the tomb. It’s a competition between the men. Who’s stronger, who’s faster, who’s smarter? The male ego is at risk if we’re not the best. Why else would it be important for us to know who got to the tomb first? The disciple Jesus loved was faster. He got there first. But once he got there, he hesitated to go in right away. Was he afraid of what he would find? Was he afraid of the unknown or just avoiding the obvious – something big is going on here and I don’t know how I’m going to react to it ahead of time, so I’d better not go inside a place that holds the promise of something different and unexpected?
Some men are like the disciple Jesus loved, while others are like Peter who barges directly into the tomb to analyze the details of what was going on. He saw the linens that wrapped Jesus’ body and the cloth that wrapped his head. They were separated. “Gotta write that down in my little notebook.”
After delaying, and seeing that Peter was unharmed, the disciple Jesus loved finally entered the tomb to see for himself. He saw that Jesus wasn’t there and he believed. Peter and the fast-but-timid disciple then went back to where they were staying…to solve the problem of why Jesus was gone and what they should do next.
The Woman from Venus
On the other hand, Mary Magdeline was the first to go to the tomb while it was still dark. Maybe there was not enough light for her to see inside the tomb because all we are told is that she saw the stone rolled away from the entrance. She turned and ran to tell the disciples. We have to assume she followed them back because after the men saw what they saw and left to solve the problem, she hung around and did what those on Venus do, she showed her emotions. As she wept, she stooped down to have a look inside the tomb, and what did she see?
Mary saw something completely different from what the men saw. Don’t men and women always see things differently? She saw two angels in white, one sitting where Jesus’ body had been laid, one at the head and one at the foot. Two men in white were sitting where the men saw the cloth and linens. She saw people, and she interacted with them.
Why did the men and Mary see different things? Because men are from Mars and women are from Venus, of course. Remember, these are very broad generalizations about gender differences, so be liberal with your grace.
Men look for concrete evidence, something solid that they can see and calculate and understand. Maybe the linens that wrapped Jesus’ body represent the purity of his actions, or symbolic of laws that helped him to love his neighbor, or the order and structure of religious tradition. The cloth that wrapped his head was what remained from the storehouse of his wisdom and teachings that he left behind.
Mary Magdeline, on the other hand, saw the purity of his actions and teachings materialized in human forms who offered her attention and respect as one marginalized in her society. Then she saw Jesus in front of her in a human form, someone with whom she could interact. The men had to figure out how his life and death and resurrection were a model of righteousness to be imitated. There’s importance in both perspectives.
Giving and Receiving Love
In the book, the author says that men and women score the giving and receiving of love differently. Men tend to place greater importance on single, big acts of love – like bouquets of flowers, higher priced jewelry than they’d ever buy in their right mind, vacation trips, while women consider little acts of love in giving and taking in building relationships. Men are more impressed with the big act of love on the cross while women notice the attention Jesus paid to women and children and the sick.
This can lead to conflict when a man thinks he can do something really big and not have to do anything else rather than doing small things on a regular basis. Maybe this translates into men coming up with a system of institutionalized religion that has all the answers and saying all we need is to repent, confess Jesus as Lord, be born again, follow the commandments, and heaven is assured. While the women do all the little things around the church on a regular basis and seek relationships with each other and a God who cares for them. (remember = sweeping generalizations) Men are from Mars and women are from Venus in the church, too.
Stress
The book also states that each gender can be understood in the distinct ways they respond to stress and stressful situations. Talk about stress. Their teacher has been gruesomely murdered and now his body is gone, and guess who they are going to ask first who took it?
Many men withdraw until they find a solution to the problem. They retreat into their cave – to a room with their friends. The point of retreating is to take time to figure out a solution. In these “caves”, men (writes Gray) are not necessarily focused on the problem at hand; many times this is a “time-out” of sorts to allow them to distance themselves from the problems so their brains can focus on something else. It also distances them from the emotion, the fear that they don’t know how to deal with. That can be good and it can be not-so-good.
Retreat into the cave is hard for women to understand because when they are stressed their natural reaction is to talk about issues – even to strangers inside a tomb (even if talking does not solve the problem). We have different ways of dealing with stress. Men retreat and women need to talk. According to Gray this becomes a major source of conflict between women and men. Maybe it’s also a natural conflict in religion.
Resurrection Living
Resurrection men are from their own planet, and the same is true with resurrection women. How do we get it together so everyone can be satisfied and can live in harmony?
As in every relationship, people who see things differently have to agree to work together if they expect to get it right. They need give and take. They need balance. They need time away and they need conversation. When they work together, there can be harmony. There can be peace, love, joy, patience, goodness, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, and self-control. When there is balance and cooperation, the kingdom of God is at hand and the resurrected Christ is alive. People are fed, clothed, healed, taught, and welcomed. Christ is alive. Halleluiah.
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